• Brian D. Hinson

"Can You Pull Over?"

It was after 2 AM on a Saturday night when I picked up a couple of young women at Chili’s. They both sat in the back, Sandra and Lisa, let’s call them. Neither looked particularly drunk, and I have developed a Spidey-like sense for the extremely inebriated. So I was surprised two miles down the road when Lisa suddenly said, “Can you pull over? She’s going to be sick. I think. She’s definitely going to be sick.”

One skill you acquire when working for Uber is the ability to pull over instantly. Once on the shoulder of Paseo del Norte, the door popped open and Sandra was indeed being sick, but without the usual retching sounds, just the wet splats of puke hitting pavement. As she was doubled over, Lisa was atop her back, holding her hair, as a good friend does. As Sandra silently puked, she began loudly farting, her ass up against Lisa’s chest. I kept my poise and professionalism, despite thinking that’s no way to treat a friend holding your hair as you puke on the road.

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