• Brian D. Hinson

Back on Weekend Nights (Woo!)

Updated: Mar 26, 2021

I’m back on the weekend night shift! Done with the boring morning rush hour people and back with the folks getting fucked up and chasing ass! It was super busy, never a break between rides.

My dashcam caught a few people that had taken off their masks in the back seat. Please, folks, we’re in close quarters in a sealed environment, so keep the masks on!

Here’s a rundown of Albuquerque quirkiness experienced on the first weekend with loosened COVID restrictions on restaurants and bars in town.

Let’s make-out with masks on. A horny straight couple settled into the back seat and instantly started nuzzling through their masks. As long as no one unzips, I’m fine with a little first and second base action back there. I kept on hearing the woman, between giggles, “Stop it.” She was not serious about any stopping, just maybe a bit embarrassed about being in an Uber as things got a little heated and gropy. They still had pants on when I dropped them at their apartment.

So drunk he missed the Uber. I rolled up to a westside house where there was a banger of a party, the street choked with vehicles. I immediately texted upon arrival: “I’m two houses up, address xxxx, flashers on.” I waited. Waited a little more. Uber gives the driver a cancel fee after five minutes. When the five was done, I pulled around for a pass on that house: no one was outside. At the six minute mark I cancelled and picked up a new ride. As I drove off someone ran into the street behind me, whistling and waving. Too late, bro. If you order an Uber, pay some damn attention to your phone.

Drunk old people. In the long driveway of one of the gorgeous houses of Ranchos de Albuquerque I sat. After a couple of minutes of waiting, I texted. I got a reply, “Where are you?” I sent that I was in the driveway. Then I got a call. I explained that I was in the driveway, under the basketball hoop, in front of the car with the open door with the lights on. Did they expect me to come into the house and carry them to the car? Fuck. The daughter, the house owner, came out to explain that they were old and would be coming out shortly. Finally they emerged, got in, and the guy said, “We’re not at all fucked up,” and cackled. We drove off.

The woman sat there in a semiconscious booze haze as the gentleman explained that he thought Rush Limbaugh was sort of an asshole. We agreed on this. When we arrived at their house, the man told me to wait so he could get me a cash tip from the house. They got about five steps from the car and the woman started puking on her xeriscaped yard. Glad her husband didn’t forget his mission despite the distraction.

So, nothing out of the ordinary on the night shift. It was good to get back. And I’m thinking of doing a top-three rundown of the rides every weekend. Don’t get your hopes up too high, I’m pretty lazy.

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